SATURDAY, WEEK 3 / POST TRIAL

[killerfang]

[ The trial was long, and dragged on and on, and the longer it dragged on, the more dire it became. For him. For her. For their life, together. By the end, he'd realized it inside before anything was announced - he was going to die. It was as if his long years of being the Angel of Death had made him sensitive to it; he could see his death in the eyes of the people around him, in their words. And he knew he had failed. The rest of it was a blur as he retreated into the safety of himself.

But he can't hide for long. He isn't the emotionless husk he used to be. Nino is here with him. Nino is dying because of him. Never in his life has he failed so miserably, so desperately, so pathetically. All of his attempts to change the course of fate merely drew it towards him, angrier and faster than before, and now he is left clutched in its jaws, with Nino suffering because of him. It's a good thing that he is dying; he cannot imagine a world where he survives and she does not.

But imagining a world where she dies at all is more painful than any wound he's ever taken, and it's about to become a reality. The life he promised her. The protection he swore her. It was all gone. He'd broken his promise to her again; he'd stolen her life, her future, her friends. He mourns her more than he could ever mourn himself.

When he sees her that night, it's all he can do not to prostrate himself before her. He has half a mind to give her one of his daggers and tell her to kill him - but he knows her well enough to understand that would only upset her further. He can only hang his head, standing stiffly, a quiver in his shoulders that he's never felt before. ]

I... cannot keep my promise. I have failed you. Nino, I failed you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...

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[learnings]

[It takes her breath away. The results were a punch to the gut, and she still hasn't caught her breath from them. She doesn't know how to handle it. She doesn't know what to make of it--

She just knows that she's going to die.

And so, even worse, is Jaffar. She'd come to terms with her death a long time ago, when she'd been willing to give it up for a total stranger because he struck a chord in her, though she'd grown to desire it. A future. Life. Living with Jaffar...

If Jaffar won't be there, it's pointless.

Her breath hitches, and she ducks her head; it feels like she can't stop the tears, no matter what she does--but she still has to reach for him, because she doesn't want him to be distant. Not at a time like this.]

Jaffar... [What can she say? In a moment like this...?] Don't... don't apologize. Please--not now. I just...I want to be with you. For...as long as we have.

[Even if it's only a little while longer.]

[killerfang]

...

[ he wants to ask her why? if it hadn't been for him, she wouldn't be dying right now. But he already knows the answer. She loves him - in spite of all the awful things he's done and the mistakes he's made and the fool that he is. He must not take that feeling for granted. Even knowing that she'll be executed in a matter of hours, she's pleading for him not to apologize and reaching for him and trying to be at his side.

His eyes are burning.

Jaffar glances up at her, face drawn in a meager shell of his usual calm expression, and for once, there's clear emotion hiding just behind it. Fear. Love. More than anything -- sadness. He'd wanted it too - that future they'd discussed. She reaches for him, and he lets her; craning his back at first, then succumbing to one knee, holding her in his arms, pulling her down so that they can both be at the same level. And he crushes her to his chest and buries his face in her shoulder, his tan arms holding her as if she'll slip away from him at any moment.

He doesn't want to let go of this... He doesn't want to leave her. ]

[learnings]

[He crushes her to his chest and she goes willingly, tears soaking into his clothing as she wraps her arms around him tightly. She's scared. She doesn't want to die--but even more, she doesn't want him to die. She wanted him to live, to be happy, to be safe... she'd even asked other people to look after him, because she'd always known Laura was going to get her killed eventually.

But...

It's hard like this. When she thinks of their future going up in smoke just like that, like it was never there--it hurts.

Her breath hitches.

And she finds that words don't come. All she can do is cling to him, crying silently, and wishing for a future that it feels they were never lucky enough to have.]

[killerfang]

[ her tears only break his heart further; it doesn't matter that she's been crying for the greater part of the evening. He never wants to see her cry. Especially because of him. For the umpteenth time, he laments the massive mistakes he made tonight that led to this disaster. And, for the first time in more than a decade, tears sting his eyes, as well. They're few, silent, and foreign and frightening, but he can't stop them as they leak into her tunic.

This pain, this sadness - this is also because he's alive. Because Nino is with him. Life is such a bittersweet thing.

For a little while, he just holds her like this, burning this final moment together into his memory. He's not good with words. He's not good at sweeping gestures of affection, either. But he can hold her like this, and they can pretend that time has stopped for a little while and that there is no world outside of the two of them. ]

... You are not angry...? [ After what feels like an eternity, he speaks, his voice more of a croak than usual thanks to the emotion clogging his throat. He doesn't move to look at her face. He's ashamed. ]

[learnings]

No... no...

[She says that quietly, shaking her head with each repetition. How could she ever be angry at Jaffar? He'd tried. He'd tried so hard, but this wasn't a situation he was well-prepared for, and that's not his fault. How could anyone who had never been able to properly interact with other people deal with a situation like this?

It wasn't fair.

But...this is where they are. She holds to him more tightly, slowly dragging in a few breaths to try to get her emotions under control. After all...if this is the last she has with Jaffar, she doesn't want to waste that time crying.]

It's not your fault. I... I love you, Jaffar. I could never be angry with you. [Especially not over this. Especially not now.]

[killerfang]

[ it's an odd combination of bittersweet relief and melancholy. She loves him despite the half-formed person he is; he should already know that, but it strengthens him a little to hear it reaffirmed even so. Perhaps he's selfish. Because, despite that, it also reaffirms the feeling inside of him that she deserves better than this. This is the best future that he could give her? An unfair execution at the hands of uncaring strangers?

He's angry at himself. But she's not angry at him, so he tries to force the emotion away, as he's always done. There's so little time - he can't afford to waste it on such things - but he doesn't know what he should even be doing with it. There should be some comforting words of love or wisdom that he can say to her, but he doesn't know any. ]

... [ isn't he supposed to be her protector? He shouldn't be sitting here, languishing in her arms over his failure. He needs to be stronger. ] ... I will not leave you... I will be with you until the end. You will not be alone...

[learnings]

[... She won't be alone. Throughout all of this...

It's hard to work up a smile, but she can at least muster up some form of happiness, deep, deep in her heart. Because even if it's terrible, and wrong and cruel...

At least they'll be together.

At least...]

Like you promised...

[Jaffar will stay by her side.

Just like he promised.]

Please... stay with me. I don't ever want you to go. [And wherever they're headed from here...she wants to be together, if nothing else.]

[killerfang]

[ her words sink into his heart like so many stones weighing him down. The more they talk like this, the more final it seems, the closer the end draws - he feels it pulling at him already. He doesn't want her to go. That thought cuts through him with sudden clarity, overpowering the regret, the anger, the self-loathing. For once, he has a selfish thought. Being with her is all he has, and he doesn't want to lose it. The emotions he barely understands are swirling inside of him. Right now, he doesn't need to be the Angel of Death, and she doesn't need to be a witch's scorned daughter - they can just be Jaffar and Nino. Just a boy and a girl. With no future and no past.

He parts from her a little bit - enough to let him move - and hesitates, looking at her simply, face drawn in resignation, melancholy, determination, a mix of feelings that rarely surface on him. His hand moves to his pocket; then it stops and goes to his head, instead, pulling his cowl back so that he can't hide in its shadow. Then it returns, and from his pocket, he pulls two small objects that he presses into her hand, movement a little shakey. ]

... Take this... He told me to give it to you... Nino.

[ he doesn't explain who. this isn't how he imagined it. he never imagined it at all. But Jacopo's insistence moved his stone heart enough to push him to action. They're rings. ]

[learnings]

[It hurts to see his face like this, honestly. Sadness, resignation, melancholy... they're not emotions that usually showed on his face. And while Nino's glad that Jaffar's been able to feel more... the truth is that seeing these emotions in particular hurts.

Because she knows that in the end, their happiness and warmth wasn't meant to be.

No matter how hard both of them had fought for it--no matter how much they both wanted it.

Still, Jaffar pulls back and pushes his cowl, back, and she tilts her head a little, blinking as she does so. She can't imagine what Jaffar would have to give her now; where they're going, objects aren't going to help them.

But...they're rings. Slowly, Nino looks down at the rings in her hand, blinking slowly, and it takes a moment for it to sink in. She'd never had a normal family to teach her these things, after all. No mother to talk about what it would be like when she found the man she'd want to marry, no siblings to tease her, no fairy tale romances to read. But she had Lloyd and Linus, Legault and Brendan Reed, and between them all...

She knows what this means.

For a moment, her fingers close over the rings, clenched in a tight fist--and then slowly, shakily, she breathes out and uncurls her fingers, lifting them both so she could admire them.]

Oh, Jaffar...

[They're a promise. An assurance. They're a guarantee that even if they're simply going together into death...they'll still always have each other.

It's not quite the fairy tale romance proposal of anyone's dreams--but it's enough for Nino, and quietly and shakily, she smiles.]

These are...for us? [It seems so hard to believe, and yet...at the same time, it seems so wonderful.] They're perfect.